So I haven't gotten on the scale monster because I haven't worked out. My eating hasn't been exactly... terrible... but there is room for improvement. I don't think I have gained much, if any at all. My ankles still look skinny. That's scientifically sound, right?
I'll bite the bullet and get on the scale Monday. My first day off from work in six days. I never have time to weigh first thing in the morning because I end up getting out of bed nearly 20 minutes before I have to leave and I'm running around the house like a chicken who didn't hear her alarm clock. By the time I get home, I've had at least lunch (if not breakfast too) and water, and you know, I just don't like to weigh when there isn't the best possible possibility of a loss. Don't act like you don't do that too...
Alright, Monday, we'll see what the damage is. Hoping it is minimal and who knows, maybe I might possibly get off my tired butt and do some weight loss yoga.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Off with a bang
Well, I'm off on to this journey with a bang. I weighed today and I'm up 4.4 lbs. Yippee.
Ugh.
Okay so looking at it realistically I know that I only exercised 2 out of 6 days. That might have had something to do with it. Also, the last time I weighed was after having a serious case of the flu. I was so dehydrated from not being able to keep anything down. I expected to see a gain today for that very reason alone but I didn't expect it to be nearly 4 and a half pounds. In a week! It's just so disheartening. I had hoped to be 199 by this Saturday, November 17. My 36th birthday. Doesn't look like I'm going to make that goal. I guess any closer to 199 that I can get is an accomplishment.
I'm just going to have to get back into the groove. I need to commit myself to 5 days of working out a week. It's hard with work and school and kids but If I'm ever going to get to where I want, it's just going to have to be done. You can't keep doing the right things and continually get the wrong results. So I need to start putting those right things into motion.
I've gotta take the gain and turn it into something that motivates me to do even better this week. I can't keep looking at it that I have to once again, re-lose the weight that I already lost. At least that is what I'm trying to tel myself here! Stay positive!
Ugh.
Okay so looking at it realistically I know that I only exercised 2 out of 6 days. That might have had something to do with it. Also, the last time I weighed was after having a serious case of the flu. I was so dehydrated from not being able to keep anything down. I expected to see a gain today for that very reason alone but I didn't expect it to be nearly 4 and a half pounds. In a week! It's just so disheartening. I had hoped to be 199 by this Saturday, November 17. My 36th birthday. Doesn't look like I'm going to make that goal. I guess any closer to 199 that I can get is an accomplishment.
I'm just going to have to get back into the groove. I need to commit myself to 5 days of working out a week. It's hard with work and school and kids but If I'm ever going to get to where I want, it's just going to have to be done. You can't keep doing the right things and continually get the wrong results. So I need to start putting those right things into motion.
I've gotta take the gain and turn it into something that motivates me to do even better this week. I can't keep looking at it that I have to once again, re-lose the weight that I already lost. At least that is what I'm trying to tel myself here! Stay positive!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
What was your moment of truth?
My moment of truth came by way of fear. My aunt was very sick and so was my mother and father. All three of them have or have had diabetes and none of them have taken care of themselves. My father and mother were in the hospital and both are under 50 years of age. As I talked to each on the phone, I felt scared that in 25 years, I could be having the same conversation with my children. My father was already blind and has since had his leg amputated to just above the knee. My now late aunt had both of her feet amputated and was nearly blind as well. I was scared that was going to be me.
My best friend had up and moved back home following a visit to her family. I was very depressed and slipping deeper and deeper everyday. I was constantly yelling at my son (who we shall call the kid) and sometimes for no real reason. I couldn't sleep and I cried constantly. Finally, I knew that I had to do something. I wasn't snapping out of this rut. My husband (who we'll call the hunk, cause well he is) began to notice my decline and urged me to seek a doctor's help. If anything, he could at least give me something to help me sleep and we felt that in itself would help my mood.
As I sat there in the doctor's office, there was a mirror next to the examining table. I could see my reflection but I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Just 5 previous minutes before, I had topped the scales at 285 pounds. "Dear God" I thought. What had me even more saddened was that I knew that wasn't my highest weight, although I have no real documentation of a higher non-pregnancy weight number. But the depression I was in, had left me with little appetite (for once!) and I'm sure I dropped a few pounds before going in that doctor's office.
I sat in that examining room and cried. I cried at the sight of myself. A size 26 tub of fat who let herself become everything she hated in herself. On some level, I realized I must of been suicidal to let myself get so huge. I was killing myself slowly for the love of food and hatred for eating it. My doctor ordered some blood work and an EKG. On top of everything else happening to me, I could now add high blood pressure to the mix. I got medicine to help with depression and sleep and of course he gave me a 1200-1500 calorie-a-day diet sheet. But that was it. Not how to change my eating habits, or how to face what made me eat in the first place. He told me to walk 30 minutes a day and come back in 2 weeks to check on my blood pressure and blood work again.
Upon returning 2 weeks later, I had only walked a few times. I couldn't do much more than that. But I had lost 2 pounds. I didn't want to know that I could gain those 2 pounds back. I felt like this was my start. This was opportunity opening itself to me to start making a change in my life. It had been given to me. The results of my blood work only confirmed my fears and spurned me to move forward. I was knocking on the door of Diabetes and it was opening. I was told that if I gained anymore weight, that would be it. My cholesterol was also high. I realized that you couldn't escape the bad habits that you put your body through. There was no escape. Just because you seem healthy, feel healthy doesn't mean you ARE healthy or that you will continue to stay that way. It WILL catch up with you. I was eating triple cheeseburgers from Wendy's 2-3 times a week. That's excessive yes, but I had only had that habit for probably about 2-3 months, as compared to a lifetime of being overweight.
I could feel my arteries clogging, even if it was dramatized in my own mind. I had to do something and do it today. I had 2 pounds lost already and I made a choice to see those numbers go downward for the first time in my life instead of upward. That was my moment of truth. Knowing I would die at a young age. Or worse, live through illness after complicated illness. Living a life of being sick, immobile, blind and amputated. If you can call that living.
That entry was written on July 1, 2002. It was the first epiphany I had about my health and weight loss. I had changed my life and in a year, I had lost 59 lbs. and went from size 26 to 18. I felt great! However that was to be short lived. After that year, I started to struggle. I struggled with complete lack of motivation, depression and over eating. I gained nearly all the weight back. It was devastating. Soon after, I got pregnant with my second child and gained the rest of the weight back plus some. I managed to take off 50 lbs. but still, I couldn't manage to keep it off.
After moving my family back to New Mexico, and moving back into the workforce for the first time in over 11 years, I began to lose weight again. 89 lbs. and counting. I just hope that this time will be the last time that I have to start over. I'm crossing my fingers, eyes, and legs!
My best friend had up and moved back home following a visit to her family. I was very depressed and slipping deeper and deeper everyday. I was constantly yelling at my son (who we shall call the kid) and sometimes for no real reason. I couldn't sleep and I cried constantly. Finally, I knew that I had to do something. I wasn't snapping out of this rut. My husband (who we'll call the hunk, cause well he is) began to notice my decline and urged me to seek a doctor's help. If anything, he could at least give me something to help me sleep and we felt that in itself would help my mood.
As I sat there in the doctor's office, there was a mirror next to the examining table. I could see my reflection but I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Just 5 previous minutes before, I had topped the scales at 285 pounds. "Dear God" I thought. What had me even more saddened was that I knew that wasn't my highest weight, although I have no real documentation of a higher non-pregnancy weight number. But the depression I was in, had left me with little appetite (for once!) and I'm sure I dropped a few pounds before going in that doctor's office.
I sat in that examining room and cried. I cried at the sight of myself. A size 26 tub of fat who let herself become everything she hated in herself. On some level, I realized I must of been suicidal to let myself get so huge. I was killing myself slowly for the love of food and hatred for eating it. My doctor ordered some blood work and an EKG. On top of everything else happening to me, I could now add high blood pressure to the mix. I got medicine to help with depression and sleep and of course he gave me a 1200-1500 calorie-a-day diet sheet. But that was it. Not how to change my eating habits, or how to face what made me eat in the first place. He told me to walk 30 minutes a day and come back in 2 weeks to check on my blood pressure and blood work again.
Upon returning 2 weeks later, I had only walked a few times. I couldn't do much more than that. But I had lost 2 pounds. I didn't want to know that I could gain those 2 pounds back. I felt like this was my start. This was opportunity opening itself to me to start making a change in my life. It had been given to me. The results of my blood work only confirmed my fears and spurned me to move forward. I was knocking on the door of Diabetes and it was opening. I was told that if I gained anymore weight, that would be it. My cholesterol was also high. I realized that you couldn't escape the bad habits that you put your body through. There was no escape. Just because you seem healthy, feel healthy doesn't mean you ARE healthy or that you will continue to stay that way. It WILL catch up with you. I was eating triple cheeseburgers from Wendy's 2-3 times a week. That's excessive yes, but I had only had that habit for probably about 2-3 months, as compared to a lifetime of being overweight.
I could feel my arteries clogging, even if it was dramatized in my own mind. I had to do something and do it today. I had 2 pounds lost already and I made a choice to see those numbers go downward for the first time in my life instead of upward. That was my moment of truth. Knowing I would die at a young age. Or worse, live through illness after complicated illness. Living a life of being sick, immobile, blind and amputated. If you can call that living.
That entry was written on July 1, 2002. It was the first epiphany I had about my health and weight loss. I had changed my life and in a year, I had lost 59 lbs. and went from size 26 to 18. I felt great! However that was to be short lived. After that year, I started to struggle. I struggled with complete lack of motivation, depression and over eating. I gained nearly all the weight back. It was devastating. Soon after, I got pregnant with my second child and gained the rest of the weight back plus some. I managed to take off 50 lbs. but still, I couldn't manage to keep it off.
After moving my family back to New Mexico, and moving back into the workforce for the first time in over 11 years, I began to lose weight again. 89 lbs. and counting. I just hope that this time will be the last time that I have to start over. I'm crossing my fingers, eyes, and legs!
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